To have children at your wedding or not to have children at your wedding, that is the question!
For me and my fiancé, this was a no brainer, we will not be having children at our wedding.
This isn’t because we hate kids or don’t really have them in our lives, the opposite in fact! We have twelve nieces and nephews between us and we adore every one of them. But for us, it was an easy decision and I will tell you why, for some couples though I know it can be an agonising decision and I hope that this post helps making that decision just that little bit easier.
There are several reasons why my fiancé and I decided not to have kids at our wedding, the first is that we are friends first and foremost with the adults. While we love all the little people in our lives, when it comes to who we would choose to celebrate our marriage with, it’s their mums and dads. And not only do we want to celebrate with their mums and dads, but we want the Mums and Dads to have a totally super fun time! We, like many couples, want our wedding to be a big fun party celebrating our love and commitment to each other and, arguably, this can be achieved much more easily by parents when they don’t have to look after their babies. We want them to have a night off and let their hair down and not have to worry about being responsible parents for the night. Finding a baby sitter means that our guests can stay as long as they like and they don’t have to hurry home when sleepy kids need to be in bed, they can dance uninterrupted, they can eat their whole meal without needing to feed someone else, they can totally enjoy themselves.
Secondly, and more specifically to wedding planning, is the cost and effort factor. Generally speaking, the smaller your wedding, the less cash you have to drop on it. By not inviting littlies, you get to save money on things like meals, bonbonniere, venue size (and finding a child friendly venue), possibly all the way down to little things like knife and fork hire (every little bit counts right?). Similarly, if you have kids at your wedding, they’re probably not going to be as entertained by an hour ceremony, an amazing meal (you may need to organise special child friendly meals), speeches and dancing as their parents. You will probably have to provide them with some child friendly entertainment such as colouring books or a big box of lego, which doesn’t sound like a lot of effort but it’s just one more thing on top of a list as long as my left leg that you already have to tick off. And to add to that, kids are unpredictable! With all of the things that can potentially go wrong on a wedding day I think it’s common sense to try and limit thevariables.
Now, as much as the choice was a clear one for us, it certainly hasn’t been a hundred percent easy to execute. For most parents a night off from the kids is a welcome relief, others though can take it personally. My number one suggestion for bearing the brunt of any backlash regarding your decision to have a child-free wedding is consistency! Stick to your guns. You can’t bend the rules for one child and not the others unless you have a really good reason (such as a breastfeeding baby). We had a child free engagement party too and I think that helped to set the precedent for the wedding. We have had complaints and some comments, but it was to be expected and being consistent has really helped not only us but also the parents. When they realised that we weren’t going to budge they just got on with it. So if you’re thinking that maybe you don’t want to invite people’s kids to your wedding, it can be done! If you’ve just read this and you realise that none of these things matter and you in fact find it really important that the children in your life get to celebrate as well then that’s fantastic too. Most importantly (and I’m sure every bride has heard this a million times) IT’S YOUR DAY! You do what you and your partner want, nothing more, nothing less, including whether you want to invite kids or not.